I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
