There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
