Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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