don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im holly from the hills drunk
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
