I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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