So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
