she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
