You can't motorboat a personality
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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