It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
