I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
