Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
