I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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