bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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