Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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