I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
