I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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