can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
