I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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