This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
