Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
