Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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