My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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