a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize