i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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