What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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