there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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