Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
