I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize