come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
