Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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