i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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