It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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