So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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