i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
home. puking in laundry basket.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
