tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
