oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
