Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
