dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
two words: eviction party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
