What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
