She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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