Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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