After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The chlamydia really affected his face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
