I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
