He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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