garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
