OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
