Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
