You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
