You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
