oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
