I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
