i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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