I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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