If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
