don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
