Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
