Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
