I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
