I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize