Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
