Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Houston, we have a squirter
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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