We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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