just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize