I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
