Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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