direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
