Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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