He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
