My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
