all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
