her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
