you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
