Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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