ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
