Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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