bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
