I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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