On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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