Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
