dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
