Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
