We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
