And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize