new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He better not be in your backpack
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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