Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
