You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
