In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
