i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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