nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
