umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
