wakey wakey hands off snakey
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize