I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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