God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
