is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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