No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
